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I had a white Christmas! I hope that all of my dear readers have as well. I know I've been really bad about updating. I mean, there's a 2 hour scrubs marathon every day from 6-8 and I'm meeting beautiful women left and right up here in Eau Claire. My life is just...so...packed...zzzzzzzzz

Christmas was pretty nice to me, I got new tires for my truck, a frame for my Chicago picture that I bought like five months ago (my parents stole it and hid it), clothes, and a bunch of other nice things. I was quite happy, but the best part was going out on the ATV later in the day and realizing that ice + ATV = lots and lots of fun. I was doing donuts and slides on the ATV like mad. It was sooooooo fun.

I just got back from Night at the Museum about two hours ago and it was a great movie. I highly recommend it, it was one of the funniest movies I've seen in awhile, and I've seen some funny movies in the recent past. Dick Van Dyke, Robin Williams, and Ben Stiller put on a good show and the script was masterful. I didn't like the ending because it hurried to tie up loose ends, but I can deal with it.

I also would like to say here and now that I do not like Dr. Stout and if I ever had to take a class with him again, well, I wouldn't. I will never take a class with him, no matter what. The guy is a bad teacher and doesn't realize it, which makes bad teaching even worse. Or I could just say I don't like the Wesleyan math department. Either works for me, but I am pissed about my C+ in that class. Although I got 3 A's in my other classes, that C+ still brought my semester average down. :-(

Anyways, nothing much else new in my territory. I hope the rest of you had a nice Christmas and can take a few minutes to sit back and relax before school starts up in a week and a half.

II am truly pathetic for TV has taken over my life. Scrubs, Lost, Battlestar Galactica, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report all shove an important social life out my door and into the hallway. It's not as bad as it sounds because I watch Lost with my roommate's girlfriend on a lose basis, but have finished Season two and will no longer be watching it. Battlestar is only once a week, but scrubs and the two news programs...well, I fit them in whenever I can because both are equally awesome and equally hilarious. I should probably stop this habit because it is definitely a factor in the lowering of my grades this semester. Although it could also be due to the fact that I'm a physics major...ya know.

I have also returned from the depths of school hell and landed myself right into memory lane, aka my house. Same old boring, nothing to do, place. I can't say that too much because I'm going to attempt to socialize again this break and see if I can't find some permanent friends. Eau Claire can be very inviting, I just have to get invited, lol. I have a 4 wheeler, there's gotta be someone else around here that has one...

And finally, it turns out that Dr. Morrison, my physics teacher was notified that the final exam was leaked by a kid who took the test early. He was notified by someone who studied with me, and it makes me think that I should have stood up and said something. I really didn't care that someone else was cheating. I heard what the informant had to say about what was on the test, but it didn't really change my study habit since it was the night before the test and I knew most of what he had told me. I guess that's why it didn't bother me as much, but it apparently bothered the other guy and he told Dr. Morrison. So the one person who leaked the test is in deep crap, but I don't know what will happen to the class. I'd be interested to see and I will keep you posted.

No way, I can't believe I've neglected my dear readers for so long. Since I'm really lazy and I don't want to catch you up on a month of crap, I'm just going to start from Thanksgiving break. PS: go to the photo journal and click on 'snow day 06' for pictures of the first IWU snow day since the 1970s.

It was pretty fun. I stayed at home for most of the duration, did a lot of work on fences and barns and ping pong tables, but was generally lazy and did some modern physics studying. What can I say, I had a test the Tuesday I came back. We didn't have Thanksgiving until Saturday night because my mom worked Thursday, but that was ok with me because I ended up toughing it out and staying up all night in preparation for Black Friday. For those of you who don't know where the term 'Black Friday' comes from, it is an old adage from the days when stores manually wrote down their gains and losses; red for losses, and black for gains. These days, a lot of stores are generally marginally in the red up until the holiday season, where it quickly turns their quarter to profits. Before Black Friday, stores use 'red ink', and after Black Friday, they use 'black ink.' Anyways, I got one hour of sleep, from 2 till 3, and then went to Best Buy, arriving at 4am. At 4am, I was the 350 to 400th person in line, which is ridiculous, but I waited, bonded with the people in line with me, and froze my ass off. Nearing the 5 o'clock opening hour, employees came out with fliers for stuff they were selling and coupons that reserved merchandise for you. I took the one for a camera that sounded nice and ended up getting it. Its a Kodak Z650 Easy Share. I hate that its an easy share for n00bs, but it still takes some amazing pictures as you will see in the photojournal. So I got that, a 1 gig card, and a 4 year warranty for 250 bucks whereas it would have cost me well over 300 dollars on a regular day. I'd say I've done well. I also went to Wal-Mart and got a few things, but spent the rest of the day sleeping. It was hard working on only one hour of sleep!

So it was also the first IWU snow day EVAR, or to be more specific, since the 1970s. I was happy, and I'm sure the entire staff of IWU except Physical Plant was happy as well. There was an especially stunning tree that fell at 3 perfect 120 degree angles and spread open in the middle like a flower. It is currently still blocking the street and probably will be for another day at least. A lot of stuff fell down because of the tremendous amount of ice that we had. Oh yea, we were first hand witnesses to this ice storm because at 2am, we were thrust into the sleet and freezing rain because of a fire alarm caused by a short in the Magill fire system. We spent a half hour in underwear outside waiting for SOMEONE to realize that we were freezing, but yet again, the security guard kept his ass warm inside the building while we were freezing to death IN THE RAIN. Yea, it was amazing, and I'm going to be at ORL first thing Monday morning, you better believe it.

And finally, our awesome snow day. Due to the sleet that we were soaked in at 2am, everything and anything outside was covered in a huge sheet of ice. Someone planned a snowball fight and KPizzle and I went on a huge photo orgy. It was awesome, and I haven't seen an ice storm like this in several years. I never did in Tennessee, and nothing has come close to this in Bloomington for the several years I've been here. But basically, it was awesome, and you can also see some of these same pictures on Facebook, but I hate using Facebook for more than stalking, so I put them on my website.

So I decided to add a few things that I forgot about in the last blog and to supplement the one about friendship. I have written a lot of strange letters recently, but despite my best efforts nothing has been done.

I'm basically tired of people who say they are friends, but are completely the opposite. Since the beginning of the semester, I have done nothing but bust my ass to maintain friendships that have gone stagnant over the summer due to separation or other misfortunes. I have made every effort, EVERY effort to reach out and make sure that friends know they can depend on me. If I have not made you, dear reader, feel wanted or needed, then tell me right away because that means I have made a grave mistake in my relationship with you. I attempt to balance spending time with all the friends I have and try not to bug anyone too much, but apparently that's not farking good enough.

In the past month alone, it feels as if three of my best friends have basically avoided me (and considering I have 5) to the point of being strangers. What have I done, dear reader, to deserve this? If I have been intolerable or have in some way trespassed against you, someone for God's sake tell me. I have to use more than my fingers to count the number of people that went out tonight that probably didn't even give me a passing thought, much less an invitation to do something.

So I'd like to add to the definition of a friend. Reciprocation. Because there is apparently one of two things going on: 1) lots of people don't know that it takes two people to be friends or 2) I am not getting the hint from a large number of people that I'm unpopular and unwanted. So if anyone would care to explain what's going on in my life, I'd love an explanation. Thanks.

Yea, I don't know what has taken me over these past few weeks, but it's an insidious form of the craptastic bug. I have a few theories as to why it has taken me on so hard. I don't think it's school, but I could be wrong. Making average on every test this semester kind of has that effect on me, and I don't seem to be improving. I guess it could be a factor, but I don't really feel that worried about grades. If I make average in the class, so be it. It may also have to do with me being sick for the second time this semester. I have about the same thing I did before, but the cough has come back worse than ever. I went to Wal-Mart late last week, bought soup, Flintstone's vitamins, and some other nutritious food for munching on, especially a gallon of Gatorade.

My best theory is the central topic. I believe that I'm insecure about not having some kind of significant other. I have been trying my hardest to remain independent for these past two months due to advice from a good friend, but I find it extremely difficult, and when I reflect on being single, it just makes me want to go out and date (not to mention an ego boost to know women are attracted to you, which I haven't noticed many). I am not having nostalgia about old relationships, I am simply craving a new one. I like being in a relationship and caring for someone and having the security of knowing that someone cares about me in a unique way. I guess it's the caring side of me, or the side that says, "HEY, I'm in secure and I need assurance." I am pretty sure of the relationship between this theory and my current condition because it's been on my mind quite a lot the past two weeks or so and that's when I noticed my mood on the downswing. By downswing, I mean that I literally want to punch people in the face for being rude or inconsiderate like chewing your gum loudly or watching TV while I'm trying to sleep....and slamming the door while I'm trying to sleep...and rooting through your stuff loudly while I'm trying to sleep...so maybe it's just the lack of farking sleep.

I can account for this need for a relationship by what I believe I discussed in a previous blog about needing stability in my life. I've moved three times, lost countless good friends and a stable lifestyle in good places to live. A relationship provides me with the stability I crave when I cannot find it elsewhere. You try moving three times in your life (including going to college) and trying to maintain stability in YOUR life. Yea, it's difficult. I'm not saying that I'd trade the way my life has progressed or anything, but I do wish that I was in a stable relationship. It is one of my main goals in life that I do not share with the type of women I'm attracted to. It's funny because I'm attracted to independent women who are smart and have lofty goals, but I've turned out to be a guy dependent on a relationship like a high school girl. I don't consider it a complete negative that I am that way, but it does come as a turn off to the women I'm attracted to which puts a damper on my life.

So for reflection time, I think it's a good idea to really figure out what is bugging you and to talk about it. I believe that this funk has also turned me basically antisocial because I really haven't done many social activities outside of group studying which really bothers me because it's actually changed my daily habits. I also have realized that I do not talk about my problems with the people that I'm having them with. I let myself get walked over and complain about it, but I don't do anything about it, so from now on I'm going to take the upper-hand and let people know when something's wrong. But anyways, I'm going to attempt to get out of this as soon as possible, but it might take a little help, so make sure to cut me some slack.

There's something that I cant quite explain
I'm so in love with you
You'll never take that away

And if I said a hundred times before
Expect a thousand more
You never take that away

-Blue October

I think that friendship is one of the most important things in this world. It's what keeps me going everyday. I look forward to passing people in the halls, flashing a smile or cracking a joke, and knowing that people will, in general, be there for me. It seems that it today's world, friendship has a much looser meaning than it did a hundred years ago. Or at least it still doesn't have the same connotation as the Spanish word 'amigo' does. When someone from a Spanish-speaking country calls you 'amigo,' I have been told that it means that you're not just any old friend, you are a sincere and loyal friend. I don't think that many American's know what it means to be a sincere and loyal friend nor do we have a word in the English language that approximates 'amigo.' I have experienced many instances in the past few weeks that makes me wonder if we even consider one person in our lives an 'amigo.'

Take for instance, loyalty. I don't know many people at all who would consider absolute loyalty to a friend an integral part of the definition of friendship. If a friend has done something stupid or has made a decision you disagree with, you do not simply abandon that person and become mortal enemies. This is where the longer lasting love that accompanies a friendship comes in. Its something you work out, you help the friend through their bad decision, and you move on. Temporary anger with your friend is great, it shows that you're not mindless and that you can disagree with each other. But certain events of about a week ago have shown me that some people are worse than fair-weather friends, they completely abandon people due to convenience. And when they know they're wrong, a shitstorm ensues and everyone is caught up in the bloodbath. Large groups of women living in one house can be very dangerous, that's all I can say.

Or how about benefit of the doubt? If I were to hear one of my good friends committed murder in order to get rich of of an insurance scam (you know...hypothetically), I would be at least hesitant to believe such a thing until hearing both sides. The great Hollywood stereotype of the woman standing incredulously at the man while he sits gape-jawed, unable to explain himself, and she ends up just leaving and hating him forever, is a good example of this. I think that a good friendship is like a good relationship, you give your partner the benefit of the doubt unless you realize you're being taken advantage of for the great sex. I think there is no more pertinent time than now to use the old adage, "When you assume, you make an ass out of me and you."

And finally forgiveness. Although similar in concept to loyalty, I believe it needs its own category. A pillar of a friendship is forgiving trespasses and loving unconditionally. Anything from a simple apology, to smiling and striking up a conversation to ease the mood will suffice. Just be the bigger person and do what needs to be done. There are a few trespasses I have yet to forgive, but I hope no one holds a grudge like I seem to sometimes.

I would hope that everyone that I know realizes that with my friends, I am a loyal friend that can be depended on for anything and everything. And if I've said a hundred times before, I'll say it a thousand more; I'm there for anyone, anytime. And I hope that everyone can learn a bit about what I believe is the true meaning of friendship: being there through thick and thin, for better or worse. This whole thing may even sound self serving and conceited, but at 12:37am on a Tuesday morning, I pretty much don't care.

Five Tips to Increase Your Likeability
In the office and the world
Justin Hartfield

Being likeable isn’t required in order to achieve the position or job of your dreams, but it helps. When other people are on your side providing you with encouragement, helpful tips, and even free resources, it can greatly increase the chances of success in your chosen field and in life. Many times, it is not what you know but who you know.

While the listing below may seem to be cursory and easy to implement, they are not. It is difficult to make real and permanent changes in your personality. The process of becoming an exceptionally likeable individual takes years. Do not let that intimidate you, however. Remember: the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Likeability, like drawing, writing or golf, is something which must be practiced.

The single most common problem facing individuals who want to become more popular/successful/likeable is their own attitude. Attitude is everything. Attitude is the reason why you aren’t as popular now as you want to be. More specifically, it is a negative attitude which can poison your relationships with your coworkers, and indeed the world. Developing a more positive attitude does not mean ignoring hardships or failures. It is simply reframing those difficulties and negative emotions to healthier positive ones. The old cliche, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade," has been around for a while because it is exactly the winning attitude which people are attracted to, and it is exactly the attitude which brings rewards.

Why do you complain? Why do you have pet-peeves? What is the point of harboring all of these negative emotions? Be big enough to let them go. Use your rational mind and refuse to be overcome by these negative emotions. My pet peeve used to be people who had poor pronunciation. Like 'nuclular' instead of 'nuclear' or 'basttitized' instead of 'bastardized'. However, I realized that it really didn't matter how the person pronounces the word as long as I can understand the point they are making. I can fix their errors mentally. I know now that even I, yes even the great I, is prone to mispronounce a word once in a while as well. Instead of highlighting failures and differences try to build commonalities and connect with your peers.

"Don't be discouraged by a failure. It can be a positive experience. Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, inasmuch as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterwards carefully avoid." - John Keats

Insecurities oftentimes come leaping out of a person's brain and mouth so quickly that the speaker has no idea what words he just blurted out. People that always have to be correct are insecure. People that constantly saying "just kidding!" after every single joke are insecure. People that respond to a joke at their expense with anger or insult are insecure. Insecurity beguiles confidence and weakens your Self. Becoming a better individual means accepting your Self, and not hiding it under the veil of insults, "just kiddings", or factoids.

Either you accept mediocrity about your personality completely and without shame, or you change it. Period. If you're fat, either go on a strict diet and exercise regime or accept it and even be willing to poke fun at yourself. If you have a high voice, buy some tapes to help you improve your tone or be willing to not only accept but love your squeaky vocals. Display your faults for all the world to see - mistakes are unifying characteristics which all humans can empathize with. Not only is perfection limiting, it's boring as well. The mark of a mistake-free life is one which has not been fulfilled.

"The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything." - Theodore Roosevelt

The only thing worse than an insecure person is one who is so completely and utterly shutdown from the world that they refuse to display any personality at all. If you work in an IT company like I do, you know exactly what I mean. There are developers there who display exceptional intellect and foresight on their projects but when it comes to simple human interaction they lack the social graces (or *gasp*, bravery) to wish you a good morning. In order to be around people with value you must be able to convey value. There is no alternative. If you are humorless, read books on comedy writing; if you are boring, go out and do something adventurous. Experience life and share your findings with your coworkers.

Have you ever noticed that successful people often flock together? I have heard countless stories of brilliant scientists or businessmen who were close friends with other successful individuals before they gained their notoriety. In parallel, have you noticed that drug addicts and criminals often associate with each other? This isn't coincidence. You are the sum of all of your friends and close associates. Choose your friends with care, just because you grew up with someone does not mean you are forced to be their friend for the rest of your life. Start surrounding yourself with people of value and it will become a self-fulfilling prophesy.

"The art of being yourself at your best is the art of unfolding your personality into the person you want to be... Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others." - Wilfred Peterson

Judgmental people are usually easy to spot because they are the ones eating alone in the lunch room. They think of themselves as 'too [flattering adjective]' to have lunch with those guys in shipping and 'too [unflattering adjective]' to eat with the guys in IT. No one is above you and no one is below you. We are all mammals - humans, more distinctly - just trying to get by the best way we know how. Do not believe for a second that there are unwritten 'leagues' or 'classes' which people must adhere to. All of these boundaries are artificial, put in place by people who are in desperate need for justifications of their own failures. No judgments means treating everyone with the respect you would give to a 120-year-old man and the understanding you would give toward your seven-year-old cousin.

"Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster. Your life will never be the same again." - Og Mandino

In order to gain respect you must start respecting yourself first. You must set boundaries on behavior and let people know that you are not a pushover. Make no mistake, people will test you in order to find out exactly where your boundaries are. This means saying 'no' to disrespect and letting the offending party know that he or she crossed the line with their comment and you did not appreciate it. People will respect you more when they realize that you are not someone who is malleable or valueless.

Set your own personal unbreakable code of ethics. Make it as rigid as your morals will allow. When you are faced with an ethical dilemma, reference this code. If no precedent exists, create one. Let it be your ever-expanded guide which will provide you stability in an otherwise chaotic world. If your boss requests you to do something that is in incongruence with your core values, simply refuse and explain your reasoning. You may be surprised how understanding they might be.

"One needs to be slow to form convictions, but once formed they must be defended against the heaviest odds." - Mahatma Gandhi

I'm hoping that you will all come on October 6th and support me in finding a date to homecoming. Actually, it won't be a date for homecoming, but I'm auctioning myself off like a Havana prostitute for charity. The highest bidder gets a dinner date with yours truly (or hopefully a friend gets the highest bid and I get to take a special lady out). I'm pumped and I hope I get it, my roommate is the co-chair for the event, so he's going to put in a good word for me. There's a bunch of people that want to be auctioned off, so the competition is stiff, but I have confidence in my debonair attitude and dashing good looks.

This past weekend was the awesome annual SigPi 80s party where I proceeded to drink a small amount of alcohol and managed to get wasted. I danced the night away, met some nice ladies and talked about religion till 4 o'clock in the morning with some new good friends. If only every night could end that way. The party was absolutely awesome, and I really enjoy those kinds of parties. Laid back is great for small get together events, but this is special, unique in that the cops probably won't come busting in on campus frat houses. If only I had pictures, because me as AHHnold was quite hilarious since I have about 1/10th of the muscle mass of that man. At least I had the spiked hair...and the awesome Governator T-shirt on.

Just in case you have forgotten, school is hard. To be a physics major is even harder. To be a physics major that has to find a place to live, a school to go to, and some way to pay for it within 2 months, is beyond my capacity to fathom...oh wait...that's me. I have a ton to do because I'm going to probably trail-blaze the 3-2 program at UW-Madison which rocks my socks off because I can use that as a resume enhancer. Just wish me luck on finding a new school because Wesleyan definitely isn't going to work for another year.

Did I forget to mention the 25-page research paper I have to do for my Materials Physics class? Yea, that's right, on a subject I don't even care about. I'm researching the production methods for soft tissue engineering, which basically means I have to figure out how they grow skin and other organs. Its boring, pointless, and long. But hey, I'll learn how to research and maybe I'll even learn how to right good...I mean...

So, the man that I put up next to Mr. Rogers has died. Its really true that only the good die young. Steve Erwin died doing what he loved, helping people to understand the nature around them. He had over 500 million viewers in

This one is for Theresa,
found in an Aussie Bar .

over 100 countries, and he educated us all on what scares us: the unknown. I hope you share my deep regret in his untimely death, because his life's work was far from over. In fact, it will never be over, but we all knew that one day, his philosophy of living life on the edge would overtake him. I am mortified that there are people that reacted to his death with laughter;

this man was amazing. He went all over the world, employing people at zoos and helping animals in need, a huge advocate of animal rights. He is survived by his 8 year old daughter and 2 year old son, not to mention his wife. They will be financially taken care of, but such a loss will be with them forever. I ask that you all pray for them or whatever it is you do, and hope the best for his family.

This past week has been such an overload of crap, not just homework, that I just don't know what to do. From my wonderful welcome home present from the school in the form of a fender-bender the day I moved in, to being basically ignored by some of my friends, I wish that horrible week awhile back wouldn't have camped out in my back yard for the rest of the month. I can't complain, and every night I still count my blessings for where I am, but jeeze! Materials physics is taking me by surprise with the amount of material I just have never heard of that I am not only supposed to know, but I am supposed to build on. I was freaking out the other day, but Kate got me through it with a nice trip to Panera mmmmmmm.

I used my birthday gift card the other day to buy Half Life 2: Episode 1 and it was absolutely amazing...I think. I beat the game without knowing the begining, an important step in the middle, or the ending cinematic sequence because my graphics card isn't good enough to show it all. I apparently don't have the permissions melt my graphics card trying to play it. I was, however, able to play all the parts on youtube.com, so I ended up finding out what happened....on a low bit-rate 200x200 screenshot. I wish I had seen the opening sequence before I started the game...but I hadn't thought about using YouTube. Live and Learn. I also was able to see the trailer for HL2: EP2 which is looking absolutely amazing with new units and new guns. I'm psyched because it's supposed to be out by the end of this year.

I was Facebook stalking, something I don't normally do and have actually never done until this week, and found another one of my friends is married! Megan Higginbotham from CHS got married, and it makes me feel old. It makes me wonder why people get married so early, and then I remember why.

I have been playing this electronic Sudoku game I got for my birthday for about an hour straight now and I have quashed most of the levels. It's really fun and will be a definite time waster in the future. I can thank Kate for that fortuitous present.

So last night was awesome. Saurabh and I talked about a week and a half ago before either of us were on campus. We agreed to have a bachelor party when we were both free. Last night was it, except my roommate Ryan joined in, and he has a beautiful lady to call his own, but I didn't care. So Saurabh and I went to the freshman orientation get-together at Hansen and there were a bunch of hilarious things to do, one of which included a mechanical bull. I, being a rider of horses and a showoff, decide it is my destiny to ride that bull. I get on the first time and go 29 seconds, I receive cat calls from people I don't know and actually get a Facebook friend who mentioned this ride. Saurabh went on right after I did to similar fanfare and about 22 seconds (i think). I went on two more times and convinced a freshman to go on (she's in theater and was afraid to be in front of all those people on the bull). She got a free sweater from it, and Saurabh won a later contest and got a free t-shirt. I went home with nothing. :-(

Anyways, after the final ride, Saurabh, my roommate Ryan, and I, decide to visit Le Krogere for some 'non-alcoholic' beverages. We went back to my room and watched Office Space where I proceeded to find out just how much of a lightweight I am with no food in my stomach. One shot got me dizzy, and after 3, I was nauseous. It was pathetic, but it was fun. Theresa joined us for the movie and complained about the fear of vomit near her, but she got over it. All in all, it was an awesome night. I still have half a 5th if anyone wants to join me in downing it. I'm going to save some for tonight because of the hypnotist, Fredrick Winters. I've found that its easier to get hypnotized if you're slightly inebriated. Heh heh.

Classes start in 4 days, I'm hoping my professors forget I'm in the class and just give me an A in everything. Hopefully it will turn out for the best. I won't probably use the knowledge from these classes anyways. I think that's why trade schools are so nice, you learn what you need to know to do your job and ones similar to it, no extra fluff.

So, I have also been doing my best to stop complaining about my lot in life, and instead devote that energy to changing it for the better. Although that proves difficult with the setback by certain people who f*** with my head. I can understand if you don't read others well and can't tell what people are thinking, but there are just some common sense things that need to be thought about thoroughly before turning them from a thought into an action. Take this evening for instance. I was hanging out with a few people, but I came back around 11 and I pretty much had nothing to do. I was tired, but not dead, so I watched TV. Lo and Behold, I get a text from someone, "THE BARS WERE GREAT". I can't go to the bars, this person knows this. I am jealous of people who go out and have fun at the bars, this person knows this as well. I shouldn't be pissed off about this, but I am. Why am I angry? I don't bloody well know. I could write this down on a piece of paper, but ranting online is much more fun. I guess I'm just unstable.

Gah, there I go, ranting about my lot in life. I can't wait for the rest of you friends to come back to campus. I have plenty of liquor in my room, stop by for a taste!

I've realized what I need in life, and this is just a hypothesis, but its something that I notice a lot of successful people have and something I definitely do not that I long for.

I think it's pretty cool that I've lived in three different states in my lifetime, that I've made friends in three different states, dated in three different states, been cultured by three different states. But I don't have a home. The closest I come to having a home is Tennessee. I miss the place, I miss my best friend Robert who will be the best man at my wedding. I miss CleVegas, the one-stop-shop for Walmart, bait 'n' tackle shops, and sluts being produced at Trewhitt. Most of the people I know at school are experiencing the first time away from their parents and their local settings. The Nigerians excluded, most of them can go back whenever they want and see all their old classmates. The difference between my life and what most people live is that I don't have any lifelong friends. I keep in contact with one person from my hometown of Aurora, and that's only through IM. Most of my friends from Tennessee work fulltime and go to school full time, so unless I go out of my way to make a call to them and talk for maybe a grand total of five minutes, I don't keep in contact with them. Although I do keep in regular contact with a few, most were good buddies I just hung out with and we don't have much to talk about on the phone (nor is it apparently manly or acceptable to talk to another man on the phone for more than just informational purposes).

Moving around isn't the only thing that keeps me on my toes constantly. Other things like a recently faltering marriage and family feuds keep family ties weird. These things aren't out loud, nor do they affect things on the surface, but somewhere it just bugs me and piles on top of the millions of other things. Going back and forth 300 miles to school and back is just one more thing, but I discredit that because all of my friends have to endure that one. Losing my job this summer was another blow to the stability monitor and not making many friends didn't help much either. I feel like I complain about the Eau Claire situation a lot, but most of my summer being lonely can be attributed to not trying hard enough. I did take a summer class, tried to work, tried to find work after I was fired, and hung out at the beach, but hey, I probably could have done more.

And here's where I analyze this and apply it to my life. I think a possible way I cope with this is by being in romantic relationships. This weekend Kate and I broke up and while figuring out what went wrong, I spoke with Theresa Peters and she said to me, "Alex, since I've known you, you've been single for about a month." That's not particularly true, more like 5 or so of the two years we've known each other. The first whole year was part of a 3 year relationship, and most of the rest was being with TJ and then Kate Houser. But that really hit me hard because it made me feel like I relationship jump, and when I lose one, I go back on the market and get back off just as quickly. I don't think that is true anymore, but it did make me ponder just what this information/point-of-view did mean. I really believe that a reason (although far from the main one) is because I enjoy the stability of knowing that I'm cared for (not that I'm saying I don't feel cared for by my parents, family or friends) and that I can always depend on one person that's near me to make me happy.

I don't know why I had to ponder this one through writing, but I think that maybe it could make other people ponder their relationships with their friends and loved ones. I question a lot of my actions regarding relationships I have, and usually don't find the answers, but here, maybe I found something. I know I haven't written in awhile because I really didn't want to write about what happened last weekend, it just really doesn't make me feel good to bring it up. I'll write about it later, probably in the next few days because some things are making it easier to discuss. I hope you all have a great week and since I'm back at school, everyone should come see my awesome pad, Magill 310. See you on the flip side.

So, dear reader, you almost lost a friend this weekend. Davy Jones Locker almost took me down, quite literally. I went kayaking yesterday with some friends from church, the same ones that I had gone with before. We went out to Dells Pond, the one in the middle of the Eau Claire to go swinging on the rope and exploring the coastline, nothing big. So as soon as we launched, we went out to one of the islands with a sandy beach and chilled for about twenty minutes, swimming in the shallow area while our kayaks were put up on the beach. Apparently, the waves were big enough that the kayaks didn't stay in the beach and one was carried about 20 feet out in the shallows and mine was carried out about 50 or so feet, in what I thought were the shallows. So when we saw this, I ran out and the first one was caught easily, but mine required a bit of a swim, so I jumped in the water and huffed it over to where I thought it was (I was doing a backstroke so I estimated). I turned around when I thought I had reached it, and the kayak (which also contained my life jacket) had drifted another 10 feet from me. At this point I could not touch, I was dead tired, and I couldn't see much because I had water on my contacts. So I yelled for the other kayak to be pushed out to me so I didn't drown and it was brought fast. I laid on it for a minute, then tried to get in to no avail. The only thing I succeeded at was filling it with water to the point where it was only floating an inch above the water. Panic wasn't the first thing on my mind, so I hugged the underside of the kayak and started to kick towards shore. Yet, at that point, I couldn't take a good breath submerged even a foot underwater and quickly lost all strength, so I had to use the last of it to call out to the shore for someone to come get me before I got caught in the current (Dells Pond is just a part of the Eau Claire River, hence a current). No one on shore believed me for about 30 seconds and after I had repeated myself 3 times. I wasn't screaming because I didn't have enough air, it was more of an "argahhhh! someone help me to shore, I can't make it." So two old guys swam out to me and as I grappled to the kayak and kicked my feet as much as I could, one of them dragged me to shore. When I got there, I basically couldn't stand, kneel, or hold myself up with my hands and knees. I felt stupid, but I didn't panic (much) and I didn't realize how strong of a current a lake had, so I can reconcile my stupidity. I wear my life preserver all the time, or at least have it within reach whenever I'm out on the water in case something happens, and after that we rowed around a bit more, and you can bet your ass I was wearing it the rest of the day. Ironically, after we went to the rope swing and were heading back to the pier, my life preserver slipped off the back of my kayak and I lost it. I wasn't about to go out to the middle of the lake and find it again without something floaty. Kayaks are notorious for flipping themselves, and the one that I tried to get into that filled with water was like an effing crocodile, turning over whenever I blew at it wrong.

In other news, there is no other news. Pray for the idiots in the Middle East to resolve their differences. I hope you like my new communist design, I've received some fanfare from it. The logo came from an original Siberian army hat that I just modified a bit with some Photoshop filters. I also figured out how to use ImageReady again. I hope you all approve and let me know if there's anything out of wack with the links, I haven't tested them all.

I need ideas for my website. I'd like to do something similar in format to what I currently have, but maybe turn it completely flash like HomeStar Runner. If you have any ideas, I'll cite you as the source of my inspiration, just put something on my tagboard.

(editors note: this is NOT pointing fingers at anyone anyhow anywhere anyway, I'm just having fun with philosophical thoughts at 3:30 in the morning)

I have come to an understanding of why non-Christians don't trust or like Christians. I have also thought it necessary as part of the conversation to convey a philosophical thought about individual religious practices, but that's later.

My sudden understanding came to me while I was waiting for the movie at the Drive-In to start. I was with several people from the Church I am temporarily attending who had invited me a few hours earlier, and we had just turned off the cars and pulled out the folding chairs. I tried to start some idle conversation because I don't know these people very well and I'd like to have some social events more than once every other week. I tried a few things, I was persistent in my questions. I offered to toss the Frisbee around with two of the guys who seemed to begrudgingly agree. The women were no better, and I was almost talked down at the entire intermittent conversational period of about an hour.

Now, this could be the cause of one of two things; one of which will prove the point I'm trying to make and the other...well, screw it. These people seemed to be my friends because they had to be, not because they wanted to be. I was invited, but had God not said be friends with your neighbor, they probably would have rather walked on my face than called me up. This is the problem I feel that many non-Christian people face when confronted with a gathering of Christian groupies; a sense of resentment for being of service instead of an innate desire. I feel this in a lot of the places that I've visited, with the exception of DRL (Thursday night youth group) at Wesleyan, and it has just now made me realize why people feel the way they do.

Although, I must make my bid against this kind of behavior. People resent evangelicals because they feel they are being talked down to, and sometimes that is true because many hold themselves higher than the ones they preach to (which is my big beef with the Catholic church). I believe that too many have been led astray by this kind of unchristian behavior. Many do not realize that Christians are just human, or maybe its that Christians do not realize that they are just human. I beg that if you dislike Christianity because of the people that follow (albeit selectively), give it another look. It is not the people who follow the religion that you should be focused on, but on the man who defined the religion.

There are many people out there who define themselves as ethical and moral, yet decidedly unreligious. It seems weird to me that some hold themselves to high moral and ethical standards, yet believe in no higher being that requires this of them. If you're going to live for yourself (which is technically the definition of atheism / agnosticism), holding yourself to those standards will only be an impediment to yourself. There's no afterlife to pay for the sins of this world (in said person's point of view), so why try to avoid sin? There's a great theological philosopher, and when I get internet, I'll try and find his name, but I came up with his major accomplishment while sitting in Trigonometry sophomore year of high school and I had never heard of the guy or his theory until recently. Basically I thought to myself, what do I have to lose by being a Christian? I came up with worldly pleasures like sex and excessive alcohol, a few missed opportunities due to morally reprehensible actions, and abortions. If there is, by chance, no afterlife, I would have missed out on all of that and never had to pay for it. Then, I thought to myself, what do I have to gain. If you think about it from a worldly perspective, people respect morally sound characters (heroes and the like). To be known as a good Christian would elevate your status in the eyes of many. You would be remembered as a kind person who helped others and have a good legacy (not that I'm advocating this as the reason to become Christian). Also, in this instance, there is an afterlife, and you would be judged in Heaven for your good deeds, collect 200 dollars and pass Go. So basically, if you're already a good person, you don't have anything to lose by becoming a person of faith. If you're right, you get eternal awards and a respectable legacy on Earth. If you're wrong, you'll miss out on some morally reprehensible actions, but still have that nice respectable legacy on Earth.

So basically, the problem of rampant immorality and unethical business practices isn't being helped by either side. Instead, it's being perpetuated by a perceived, if not real, resentment between two types of people: one side forced into a smiling help-mart by traditional religious practice, and the other resenting being resented. To get by this, we must look towards the higher purpose of furthering our own individual morality through sincere acts of kindness and a deeper understanding of why these concepts of morality and sincerity matter.

Have you ever felt so alone, you truly think you're going to wake up to an abandoned world the next day? Careful guys and girls, this is a mindless ramble late at night. The world outside my window is so dark and forbidding that it seems to suck the very life out of me. It's just past midnight and I have no internet at home, so I will update when I get to Panera later today. I feel so lonely right now and I have to somehow vent this, plus add an extra three doses of indecision about life and you have how I really feel. I don't understand how or why I go through these stages, I feel so confident and sure about myself in life and the next moment, I open up a Physics book and shout "what the hell am I doing?" Everyone knows that I constantly question where I'm going in life, what to do. I have this deep-seated fear that if I screw up, everyone will leave me behind and I'll be spending years trying to mop up my life and trying to keep things straight with all my relationships.

I think my biggest problem right now is that I can't justify going to Wesleyan another year. I am going into civil engineering, and the Wesleyan Physics department can't prepare me for that at all whereas UW-Madison can. I was reading the Modern Physics book about relativistic motion and thinking to myself, what am I doing? I don't know any of this stuff nor is it useful, why am I even here? I love Illinois Wesleyan. It has done things for me that I will never regret; a first class education, a steady school job, and meeting the most amazing girl ever. And I don't want it to end sooner than it has to, but it seems like it should. I've never been one to be ruled by emotion, ever. I don't cry over spilled milk, I don't get so pissed I pound my head into a wall, and I find that, as sad as it is to part with friends, I will make new ones wherever I go. But the friendships I have made at Wesleyan have fundamentally changed me to the point where I feel that I emotionally can't leave. I would be ripping my heart out by leaving Kate, and tearing off many friendships that I want to last for the rest of my life. I see this happening with the people I know in Tennessee. Change happens, but I barely keep in contact with even the closest of my friends from the South because distance just prohibits it.

All this because I read 32 pages into my Physics book. Yet it is also a culmination of events such as taking a summer class at the local UW campus and realizing how expensive it is. My sole comfort in all of this is that student loans go a long way and I can always pay them back somehow. But that doesn't mean that I can go anywhere I want. In-state schools are the limit of my transfer abilities to finish engineering classes. That scares me for reasons that I do not wish to disclose openly, but feel assured that it helped bring on my midnight depression.

I think writing my way through this somewhat helps because now I feel just a little less paranoid about taking my classes because you know what? fuck it. Pardon the French, but seriously, if I don't do well, I try something else. There's bound to be at least one thing I'm good at around here besides getting fired. Unfortunately this writing doesn't solve anything, there are still decisions to be made that I don't want to make and problems that need solving that I am unable to solve. All I can say is Thank God for you, my friends, my girlfriend, my relatives. Whoever you are, you're doing one hell of a service trying to support this wretch you see in front of you. Have a good night all, and sneak in a prayer please. I really need to figure out where I'm headed.

Man, I love vacations. Too bad we can't take more of them. My big splurge was going to Schaumburg for this past weekend for fireworks and food. I spent four days away from parents and doing fun stuff. I seriously have so much fun when going down there, with all the people from school I see...not in a school setting...so here goes the run down.

Numbers
1025 miles driven
30.25 gallons of gas used
20 dollars for Summerfest
2 home-cooked meals
0 fingers removed from fireworks
1 huge plate of Big Bowl Pasta
4 fast food purchases
1 Portillo's Double Burger
4 movies watched
2 movie "watched"
2 rollerblading trips
3 friends seen
5 days
4 nights
24 hours in the car total
1 hour searching for fireworks
1 Fireworks display
2 train trips
5 hours in Chicago
3 Chicago sights seen
13 homeless people passed
2 homeless people passed in need

0 dollars given away to scam artists
3 gourmet Taste of Chicago delicacies
22 Taste tickets exchanging hands
2032 kisses exchanged
1 late night trip to friends' house
5 souvenirs
7 miles walked in Chicago
2 knees in extreme pain
1 unplanned headache
2 cancelled plans
0 regrets
18 hours of sleep
1 game of Spider Solitaire won
11 games of Spider Solitaire attempted
3 hours of GRE studying
2 thunderstorms
1 drivers side window open
1 sunroof open
3 hours of heavy downpour
4 puddles in car
1 pissed off owner
100 dollars in damage
1 girlfriend already missed

So basically, it was a fun weekend. Friday was Summerfest, Saturday was rainy badness, Sunday was more rainy badness and movie watching and GRE studying, Monday was Chicago and the Taste with mmmm food and a headache, and Tuesday was Portillo's and the drive home. That's the gist of it, the rest is history. I had a lot of fun at the Taste, first time I've ever been, plus I went to Navy Pier and, as mentioned above, walked 7 miles around town. We ended up getting bored and heading back to Schaumburg, planning on coming back later that evening for fireworks, but we decided against it and went to the local show instead at the Schaumburg Flyers Stadium.

Summerfest was awesome too, and I found a cool band I never knew existed, Blue October. They have some crazy names for their songs, but they are really good for a rock band. You, my dear reader, should look them up.

We're also closing upon the date in which I will move to my new house. I am attempting to get a paintball match set up for my house before I go back to school, but I don't think that is going to happen considering the lack of friends I have up here. I am going to go to a local paintball shop and see if there are any tournaments or clubs I could look at. If anyone wants to come up and get shot up, you're welcome to show up any day.

Finally, classes for me start next week if Wesleyan accepts my art credit. I'm going to take computer graphics basics at UWEC and then I'm going to update this website like a mo-fo. I will probably be able to do that at school, cutting my need for Panera internet which is awesome considering the upload and download speed here. Anyways, its about time I finish this up and get crackin' on other stuff. Have a great week guys and make sure to change those bandages from your fireworks wounds! We don't need gangrene!

So this weekend, I had proven to me that there are a hell-of-a-lot of things to do in Eau Claire. KP came up this weekend and we literally didn't stop from Friday afternoon until Sunday afternoon when she left. Friday we went swimming and walked up the Eau Claire river and took in the sights. When we were done with that, we went horseback riding down a county park trail and that took up most of the rest of the day. We ate at Bakers Square and fell asleep exhausted. The next day we got up early, had a big breakfast and went lollerblading for two hours. Came back, went ATV'ing at my new house for a little bit, took pictures (which are up right now) and found an awesome rock climbing place...on my property. So then we were bored and watched a movie and then went out on our little boat to Dells Pond in the middle of the city and got lost. It's a pretty big lake caused by a damn downstream. It has a bunch of islands and theres a pimp rope swing into a deep area at the end of a peninsula and I

have pictures of me falling off / swinging off. There's even a movie of me cursing after about breaking my leg. Its fun. So we went home, went to Olive Garden, drank the rest of the alcohol I had, and passed out. I had tequila at Olive Garden that farked up my stomach something fierce. It stormed that night and didn't stop till noon on Sunday, at which time we went trail riding again and the horses ended up being bad mo-fo's. We got back to the house and her mom was there ten minutes later and the left. I slept till 1pm today, got up and am shortly going to the temp office. It was a farking busy weekend. Hopefully I can find a job and stay busy for the rest of the summer.

So my countdown has come again to visiting Schaumburg, I will be leaving in four days. Its ridiculous how much gas money I burn up doing this, but its a completely insignificant price I have to pay for what I get to do :-D Make sure to check out the new pictures I have up and I'll see you Schaumtown-ites this weekend! PS: for the pictures, remember, if you want a larger image, email me at fissionman1@hotmail.com and request it. Don't use the ones on this website because they're low quality and they don't have a watermark on them.

Never be honest. It gets you in too much trouble. I talked to my boss this morning and he said that we all make mistakes and that its better to make them early in life so that you can learn from them and not regret things down the line in your career. I learned today that I should not be honest. Well, not exactly, but I was fired today for returning something I had borrowed.

The whole story (and I hate biased accounts, so I make this as unbiased as possible) is that we were cleaning out the server room at my place of business, the City of Eau Claire, and there was this nifty little five port hub that was out of use and looked to never be used again (bottom of the bin of old crap). It was throw it out or take it home time, everyone does this, no? Well, I took it home, but left it in my backpack and brought it back the next day. When, out of the blue, it was asked for, we started searching for it. I didn't realize what he was asking for until about twenty minutes later, at which time I snuck it out of my backpack and magically appeared to my boss with it saying that I had found it. He asked where I procured the mysterious object, at which time I was obliged to lie about the true location of my finding, a white lie I thought at the moment. Four hours later, after wondering why my boss was acting so strange around me, I found out that he had called his boss wondering what to do about my lie. He brought me in the conference room and asked point blank where I had found the hub. It turns out my boss, Bob, didn't think it was a big deal, but mistrusted me deeply after it and decided to ask for advice. I was told to leave until today, Tuesday, at which time a verdict would be reached between myself, my boss, and my boss's boss.

I thought that I would get off easy, it was a broken down piece of crap and I returned it after all. So I get up this morning, 8am like usual, get ready for work, and head out. I get to work and the one thing that would piss me off today happened. I got up for work just to be fired. I was told that due to the situation and the high security matters at hand, I could defend myself at a hearing on Thursday. I plan on going over there in an hour, giving Bob the middle finger, and giving up my keys. Bob, I believe, didn't like me because I did shit faster than his government worker brain could comprehend. I inventoried every monitor in the eight city buildings and did every work order in half the time that he or anyone else there did, and the only down time I had was due to his lack of giving me more things to do. However, I do not blame any of this on him, for it was I who told the lie about returning the borrowed piece of garbage that no one would ever use.

Well, I am now out of a job that made me 10.66 an hour, and bored out of my mind. I'm sitting at Panera while a disconcerting female of about 25 eyes me from the opposite corner of the room, eating a cinnamon crunch bagel. I searched this morning on the road and only two stores had "for hire" signs up, Hallmark and Big Bol. I just got finished with a wonderful weekend with Kate in Schaum-town, watching movies and enjoying the scenery, and not much could have screwed up my week. The firing didn't screw it up, I'm more pissed that I won't be making money and the weather isn't good enough to go rollerblading right now.

So yes, in two days the devil is going to rise from underground and an epic battle between Christ the Savior and he will rage for seven years until God prevails and the devil is defeated for another millennium. There are websites that are featuring articles about women who are being induced early that are due on the 6th of June, and the other extreme where women are taking anti-birth pills so that they can give birth to the 'antichrist.' What farkin' lunacy. First of all, when will people learn that it's going to be on some partly sunny (no, its not partly cloudy, only pessimistic weathermen think that way) Thursday at 4pm when we least expect it. God is not going by our calendar, but by his own calendar. It didn't happen at the once-in-a-millennium day on Jan. 1st, 2000, and I'm sure it's not going to happen on a once-in-a-century June 6th, 2006.

Also, what makes any mother want to give birth to the anti-christ? Just let that question sink in a little bit. Would you want your baby to be the Son of the Devil? Seriously now, what screwed up mind thinks that? It's not like you'll get special status, he'll probably choke you with his umbilical cord the second he pops out. Oh well, that was probably a bit much, but get serious people.

The weather here is stunning, nothing has gone wrong with the weather except it getting cloudy enough to be too cold to go in the water, which is practically bath water in these rivers here. I have had sunburn for the past three days straight. Let me tell you about this weekend starting with Friday. I got off of work at 5pm, went straight to the river, less than a mile from my place of business and rode my bike until my stupid left pedal fell off. When that happened, I was close to my truck (a half mile), so I limped back and decided the beach called to me. I went to the beach and read on the sand for two hours. That's when I decided to go to Panera and talk to the people from back home and brag, but no one was on. I went home and watched tv, and read some more. Saturday I took the dogs out on the river when I finally woke up at 11am. Stayed out till about 4, then went inside because I was baked and read. Sunday, I was up for church at 10:30am, then went to the river and got more sun burnt. I now stand before you. Ah, the good life. I have to relax after 40 hours of work.

There is nothing more that I would want right now than to give Kate a train ticket to Wisconsin, did I mention that? Oh social contact, how I miss thee. Oh girlfriend, how I miss thee. It will be a while yet until Summerfest over in Milwaukee, exactly a month away to be precise, and she'll only have two days off. Hmmm, trains aren't too expensive, but its only for two days again. We're hoping she'll get one day off and she can take a 4 day weekend to Summerfest which includes July 4th.

Speaking of Summerfest, if any of you plan to go, let me know. We're going, according to plans, the weekend of July 1st. It's going to be super uber crowded, but it will definitely be worth it. Supposed to be a great ending to Summerfest.

Also, I believe that you all have been watching the news a little bit. You will probably have noticed that Bush is going to try and suck up to all the people he alienated at his base by alienating more people again. Yes, he's going for the gay marriage amendment again. I don't understand what goes through his head that he thinks he can legislate morality. Now, after careful consideration and much history researching, I have found that the decadence (by decadence, I mean immoral behavior and more liberal societies) of society has usually led to the downfall of a civilization. But then again, legislating morality and religion hasn't gone over too well either, think prohibition. But all in all, I don't think that changing the status quo on gay marriage is going to help the situation. Let the churches decide who condones what marriage. Seriously, if he's republican, he should want less federal legislation, right?

And on that note, I've been typing for too long whilst talking to KP about her finally coming up to ride my horsies in July! I'm psyched. But anyways, the note was that I'm done and leaving. Panera is closing and I'm getting a boot up my butt.

Hey, do you use Google-Earth? Maquest? Some Earth mapping website where you squint at pixels to try and find your house from the sky? Notice that Google Earth isn't very complete? Well my friends, look no further than the NCSS Web Soil Survey. I found it while working at the IS office (information services) and decided to give everyone the link so they can look at their house from the sky.

It's a lot better than Google Earth in that it has the entire United States down to about one pixel equaling 3 meters square. Thought you all might like to know. Just drag a box on the map and let go and it will zoom to fit that box. Continue doing so until you get down to the road level and then find your house. It doesn't show local roads until you're pretty close, so estimate well.

If you couldn't tell already, today was my first day of work and I had a lot of fun. I think I'm going to work very well with these people, but unfortunately one of the cool people is also one of the people I'm going to replace. Ah well, she's a republican who still believes in George Bush, can't be that good ;-) just kidding Tracy. Other than that, I've learned how to back up roughly 8 (I think) servers that I will be doing every morning for the next three months. I am also going to be doing local troubleshooting on most of the computers in the area. I might set up a city wide wireless network, catalogue every computer in the city, nothing too big lol.

I hope you all enjoyed the pictures (George DWI Bush courtesy of Funny-Pictures.com) from rafting. I realize the pictures were worth the money and I really like the one's Kate took of Mouse Creek. Now she knows how beautiful it is down in the hills of Tennessee. Hopefully I can get her to come back down with me. But anyways, I'm at Panera...for the third day in a row, trying to loosen my addiction to the internet. I've finished daVinci Code and plan on devouring another two or three books in the next month because there's nothing else to do at night since I have no friends :-( Ah well, have a good summer guys, keep in touch and I'll keep updating.

Ok, so I forgot to write a blog...for an entire month. I know, its bad. I was so lazy with nothing to do, that I just kept on perpetuating the nothingness. So much has happened this month, I'll try to fit it all into one blog. First, Kate came down the first weekend of May to meet her friend Ishani, and that was a fun weekend. I didn't get any class work done, but at this point in the may term, I didn't realize how much work I would be doing. The may term I took was called Internship 397, Friends of the Mackinaw River. I need to start collecting my 300 level classes, and what better way to do it than taking a may term internship? I mean, how much work could it be? well...friends, let me tell you. When you have an internship with Dr. Simeone, you don't mess around, you get to work. That was the most intensive 3 week internship, yet the most fun one, I've ever taken. Ok, I've only taken that one, but I got to go out to the river and do chemical testing and see snakes and beavers and bugs....lots of bugs. So basically, I'm waiting for my grade right now because I still don't believe like I've done enough for this class, but I slept well last night which should tell you I'm not stressed out as much any more. We did a lot of research and I typed up roughly 43 documents for the class, each of which is single spaced 12 font.

Other than that, the weekend after Kate came up, I didn't do much, just had a night of drinking and then the rest was working for class. The following weekend was the Tennessee trip which apparently many of you didn't know about. I went down with my dad, 3 Wisconsinites that had never been south of the Mason-Dixon, and my girlfriend who also had never been south of the Mason-Dixon (and for all of you that think that Florida is in the south, its not; it's just an extension of Maryland). Anyways, we went down and rafting was AWESOME. Kate has never been, and this was the best rafting trip I've ever had. The raft guide was great. I have pictures on the pics page, which you can visit at your leisure. I also have a few more random pictures to put up. But the drive back was long and arduous and we arrived back on campus at 2am Sunday morning. Slept the day away and I got up to do work while Kate lounged for the day. She left Monday and I only had 3 days of school left. So I crammed and typed for what seemed like eons, and got my papers in and I was done!

That brings us to this past weekend. I went up to Kate's and was pampered by the family, had dinner, and the next day (Friday) we went to Chicago and to the Field Museum among other smaller things we did that day. Ate at the Corner Bakery and had the best panini I've ever had in my life, went to Buckingham Fountain, Millenium Park. I was a regular tourist, but I was better at jaywalking than my girlfriend the Suburbanite :-p Although it did seem like I had a death wish and she told me that it was illegal to jaywalk, which I did not know. We ended up spending almost 4 hours in the Field museum because apparently I didn't see barely anything the last time I was there. I realized that the last time I was there was when the Sue T-Rex was being constructed which was in the early '90s. It was fun, I loved it. The taxidermy and evolution sections were stupendous and I told Kate her and I are going back during the summer to the Shedd.

So basically that's been my may. I start work on the Tuesday after Memorial day and work through August, 8-5. Its arduous and I would rather be lazy, but there's this sick thing called motivation and money that make me do it. I'll try to update every once in awhile. I can only get on here about once or twice a week when I can make it to Panera Bread. I have no home phone and no internet at home. To all of you out there I say....Goodnight. Oh yea, XMEN 3 ROCKED.

Ok, so I was online looking for the opposite to the website Don't Date Him Girl on Google and came across this hilarious website in which I found a book pretty much about the modern woman's guide to dating. This book, which contains some rules about dating, and on the website contains a Top 10 list, makes a pretty good buck for the authors. That's what scares me. But anyways, this website that I was looking at made a man-oriented parody of the rules that these women wrote:

"The Rules"

Now hopefully you laughed through that, right? If you didn't, I don't know what makes you laugh. Now if you didn't notice, the rules above are about women. That wasn't the parody, those were the real farking rules that these people profess for dating. I actually read through these and had to read the paragraph above them to realize that they were not the parody, he was just referencing the real rules. If you would like to read his parody, its a bit long, but you can find it here. I seriously can't believe that people follow these rules, although I do agree with some of them. Here's one example of the satire rules:

6. Don't give her any warning about a date. Make sure she stays free all the time in case you call. And more to the point, keep yourself free in case something comes up elsewhere, if you know what I mean. If you call and she's not available, act real hurt, make it seem like you will end the relationship if she does this a lot.

But anyways, that's how it goes. In other news, grades are in, people are depressed, and I'm pissed Spalding didn't curve as much as I thought he would. I must have sucked it up on the final because I went in with a 93 test average and a 90 lab average, yet made a B+. Oh well, screw it, why am I complaining about a B+ at Illinois Wesleyan?

I'm anticipating Kate's visit on Friday night for Cinco de Mayo. She doesn't have a May Term, yet this is when both of us would have the most free time to rock climb or bike till our legs fall off. Ah well, such is the life of people who live 5 hours away from each other, damn distance.

I don't feel like writing anymore, I just feel like going to bed, its 1am and I'm tired. I also added some new stuff to my web links page, like Juggernaut B*tch and Leeroy Jenkins. Make sure to check them out.

Interesting point brought to me by an acquaintance of mine, and since he wouldn't argue it with me, I'll just blog it. His away message read as follows:

Hey, patriotism is awesome. Everyone in the United States should support the fighting soldier, even if they do not support the cause of their battle. I agree that 9/11 was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, BUT the thing that I disagree with is the course that has been taken to prevent more 9/11's. I know that everyone has heard these arguments before, but I like to put my own twist on the same old stuff, mainly to argue Jeff since he probably can't back up what he says.

The old argument that anyone that died could have cured cancer is something I probably shouldn't even address, but...if you force me to...ok ok, I will. God has a plan. That's pretty much the whole argument there, and if that's not good enough for you, then think that a President Bush knock-off died that day, and you'll be more at peace.

First of all, to get emotional when dealing with foreign policy is the first mistake that Jeff has made. It is true that emotions can help to shape an opinion or a plan of action, but to put emotions before logic is the same mistake that was made when your local high school dropout got pregnant. Emotions lead to irrationality, which is why women tend to make many more irrational decisions, which is not a sexist comment, it is merely stating that women are more driven by emotions than men.

Also, this is far from the worst terrorist attack that has ever happened in the world. Four thousand people dying pales in comparison to the appalling casualties of the Palestinian / Israel conflict, or the rogue-province Chechnya from Russia. This was the first major terrorist attack in US history and it is probably going to be the last. Well, if we don't piss off the Muslims anymore than we already have. The best defense is, of course a good offense, which

Bush seems to take to this like Katie Kennedy to drinking (Wesleyan reference). We have taken the fight to them, which is something that I blame Clinton for not doing, but in his defense, he did try and make Somalia better, which failed...(think Black Hawk Down). But the right way to do this was not to invade two countries within 2 years. If you deny that Bush shouldn't have acted on less-than-perfect evidence, or that he did not know that he was acting on less-than-perfect evidence, take a reality check. To lead an entire country to war should not have been decided on less-than-perfect evidence. He lied multiple times to us, on the weapons that he 'knew' were there, on all the evidence for invasion that he supposedly gave. But that doesn't matter now, because we are there and he knows that we won't pull out soon because we fucked it up, and now we have to fix it.

No, we're not in the Middle East for oil. We're in Afghanistan because Bush wanted a scape-goat for 9/11 that wasn't the largest oil provider for America, Saudi Arabia. Think about the fact that over 50% of the hijackers were from

Saudi Arabia, yet we did not blame them, we instead went to a country that we rely on for nothing but rugs and which has no army, to hunt down this secret organization called Al-Qaeda. Iraq, I won't even get into, but it was most definitely not a threat. Bush had 2 targets that were much better, but hey, his dad failed to castrate Sadam the first time, so his son had to fail at it even worse. That, my friend, is why we are in Iraq. Bush was so focused on finishing the job his daddy wanted him to do, he missed the genocide taking place in Africa, the genocide and nuclear arms build up in North Korea, or the much more likely (and now proven) nuclear arms build up in Iran. Tell me, if Bush had less than proof of Sadam having evidence, yet he had perfect evidence of other terrorist harboring nations, why oh why did he go for Iraq? Answer that question my friend, answer that question and enlighten me and I will be your friend forever.

So yes, Jeff was correct, we're not in there for the oil, we're in there for the emotion. We went to Iraq because Bush felt nostalgia for his daddy's failure. That, my friend, is my soap box 15. Please do not stop thinking about this, for if we stop thinking about it, we let the government take over, and if we let that happen, Bush's legacy will live on in a GOOD light instead of the bad light that it needs to be in.

Remember to vote Democrat, we may have no spines, but we know when to draw the lines.

This was a fun test given to me by Keith Schwael. You blank all the answers, then read the questions and hit random on your windows media player or I-Tunes and see what it comes up with. Some of these were pretty hilarious, although the crowning one goes to Keith for some of the ones he had. Enjoy.

What is my best friend's theme song?: Dick Holster – Ben Folds Five (Robert R)

What is the story of my life?: Fruitcakes – Jimmy Buffet (i will hear no comments...)

How can I get ahead in life?: Time – London Philharmonic Orchestra (makes sense...)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?: We Will Rock You - Queen

"A mighty pain to love it is, and 'tis a pain that pain to miss; but of all the pains, the greatest pain is to love, but love in vain."
-Abraham Crowley

I seriously don't understand why some people do this to themselves...yes, I am writing at 1:17am on a Monday morning before my Spanish presentation, but its at night when I think about what bothers me the most. Well, not bothers, but makes me wonder Why? I wonder why we go through this dance we call romance, why we put ourselves through the (for some, insert the word anguish, for others insert the word circus, lol).

No, but really, there may be a person that recognizes her story, but it made me think. Said person is casually dating a guy, and by casually, I mean two dates and non-exclusive. It's the word 'non-exclusive' that caught me as she was telling me about how she was frustrated with her friend for flirting with this guy. I said to her, 'then why don't you date "exclusively".' "Because I don't want to seem clingy," she replied. I didn't know what to say to that. Is it me, or are we supposed to feel secure with the people we like? Two dates yes, early relationship yes, but I hear this from many people who say, "I just don't want to tell him." Why? Kate, God bless her, is the greatest thing in my life now, I love her a lot, and I feel secure with telling her stuff. I am not bragging, I am merely stating a fact that I thought that at least a plurality of people felt in their relationships, or at least most that are semi-functional (not saying ours is...hell, I'm in it).

But I hear this from many people, now that this blog is becoming a stream of thought, and I am realizing that there's a lot of people out there that are in unhappy relationships, maybe its just the age...yea probably. Aren't relationships about being happy with someone else, though? I do know that life isn't always peaches and cream, it sucks a lot, and all I want to do is make peoples lives a bit better, even if its just smiling at a stranger as I walk through the quad. I have a lot of growing up to do, I realize that I don't know as much as I want to think I do about interpersonal relationships (yep, read that sentence again). I also realize now that I'm sounding like a naive 12 year old with his first crush or something along those lines (its ok, I don't reread what I write and its also now 1:32am), but is it not true that you, reader, know at least 2 people that are in 'casual relationships' when they want to be 'exclusive.' Or someone who is in a relationship but has no voice? I don't know, I guess I just want to tell the 30 or so people who read this that if you want something, go for it, don't be afraid to tell them the truth (now I feel like an astrologist, call me now for your free psychic reading!). Seriously, what's he/she going to say? If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. I've had to tell myself that many times over the course of my 5 years of dating experience. I now almost felt like I was compelled to write this, so maybe whoever this is for, I hope you go for it.

In these days of internet dating and internet porn, where people are afraid to talk to one another and instead sit behind a screen and text message or instant message, or better yet, hook up through MySpace, GAG. I can see where a lot of the problems in the human race these days come from. A lot of us are horrible at face-to-face meeting and this comes from our wired-ness. I dunno, I guess I'm just rambling on at 1:30am, I had a few good points I had wanted to make before I forgot them, a good quote or two I had wanted to use. I'd probably continue this rambling if I could, but my eyes are about to glue themselves shut so I can't continue typing. Goodnight all.

OMFG, I can't believe I've neglected you, my dear sweet sweet readers and voyeurs. A whole hell of a lot has happened in the past three or so weeks that I have neglected you. First off, spring break wasn't half as bad as I thought it was going to be. I didn't do any homework, but I did finish the first part of my research, so that went ok. That took me about 10 hours total, for three sound clips. I just recorded another thirty or so sound clips that need analysing...but my dearest friend and programmer Keith is going to write a bit of code that will make my life much easier. Good ol' Keith, almost makes me feel bad that I...wait, never mind.

My registration went relatively smoothly...oh wait, no. I realized too late that my calculus III class was 4 days a week and overlapped with Race, Racism, and Anthropology 360, a nice little 300 level credit that I could have used to finish off all my gen-eds, but no. Well, I hear Prof. Stout doesn't like class on Mondays and Fridays, so maybe I'll be lucky and he won't have class 4 days a week all the time. That would make me like him a lot. I also have 20 hours of class compared to 15 this semester. It is true that I have 6 hours of calculus each week, and 8 hours of physics each week, along with 3 hours of a stupid 100 level history class and 2 hours of PEX raquetball. You can take a look at my schedule here, I will be busy 8-12 and 1-3 every day of the week pretty much.

I also got a new truck over break: insurance, maintenance, and gas all up to me. Its a '98 Ford Ranger, maroon and beautiful. Barely a scratch on it. My Uncle is turning in his grave, even though he isn't dead, but the Geo has been a little unreliable as of late. The tracker also gets a whole lot better gas mileage and my dad does much more driving than I do, so I let him use it ;-) not to mention he doesn't have to make a round trip to pick me up anymore. I'm also now officially everyone's truck bitch, lol. KP has already taken advantage of my truck skills to transport her drum set for the awesome I-Festivale

Ok, but completely different topic, I just watched, literally just watched a commercial for Ghost Hunters on the SciFi channel. Ok, whatever, you want to believe in ghosts and go running after them with thousands of dollars of equipment, go right ahead. This commercial just said, "any ghost that hurts a baby must be dealt with." Now, before you think about that statement, think about Lewis Black shaking his head in anger and going brgrbgergebgrgr! Thats what I did when I heard that. ARE THEY SERIOUS??? So they're blaming negligence or possibly abuse of a child on GHOSTS? I mean, seriously, what the FARK are you thinking? Ok, you guys can think what you want, and they probably don't have a hurt baby, but seriously people, lets get a farking brain.

Other than that, nothing much else new, one more test on Monday in physics and then no more tests for the semester. Have a good day/night/morning/twilight/eve or whatever.

Sitting here at 1:30am listening to music, just finishing my reading of star wars for the evening, I usually get into a reminiscent mood, which usually gets me depressed. This time it did, but I don't like to call it being depressed, as more mourning for the good old days. It is now that I feel some pangs of homesickness for my home in Tennessee, my good and lifelong friends like Robert and Jacob. I talked to Jacob the other day actually, most of you don't know him and I don't think he reads this, nor knows about the blog, but what a guy. Seriously, works full time, practically supports himself, owns a truck, and has moved up to assistant manager at his place of business. The kid is moving up in the world despite setbacks that would have made many others cringe. God bless the kid, hope you're doing well Jacob.

I've been practically completely deprived of any and all internet for the week, which isn't a bad thing. I'm writing this blog currently with no internet, in the hopes of uploading it when I return to school. The week has been pretty busy, I thought this would be a depressing loner holiday, but its turned out quite nice. Went to th

e Mall of America, and being a typical guy, didn't buy anything for myself, just a 30 minute flight simulation in the bad-ass P-51 Mustang and a few things for that girl of mine. Hmm...Ahab the Arab just started playing, Windows Media Player is psychic...I swear. I also spent 700 dollars...yes...seven... hundred...dollars...to register my new baby. Yes, since my dad drives that wonderful 40 mpg soft-top Tracker, and it probably wouldn't make it on the interstate all the way down to school anyways, my father and I found an awesome deal on a '98 Ford Ranger which is now in our possession. So all of those looking to mooch rides, I have 2 seats available for riding between Eau Claire, WI, and Bloomington. As a side note, I believe that my Uncle wins runner up in best T-shirt contest right after my Governator shirt.

But enough about me, well, a bit more about me. Everyone can update their cell phone books because I just got a new cell phone per my dad changing jobs. (715) 379-0403 There you go. Now for all of those people who I don't want to talk to who may try to sneak a call and use up my minutes, don't try because I kept all the numbers of people I hate (total entries in my phonebook being 89) so I can keep a caller ID on them so I don't pick up...not like I pick up random numbers anyways. But you know how it goes.

Well, other than that, its been a pretty non-stimulating break. I miss my other half terribly but have sat on my hands and sulked all alone up here and let her get swimmers ear, a nice tan, and souvenirs from Ft. Meyers, Fl. I was quite sad that I didn't get to go, but meh, tradeoffs. I think her and I are going to go camping over may term break...not that I've actually asked her if she wants to or planned anything, but the urge just hit me to go camping over that break, so I will! lol, anyways, I think the sleep deprivation is getting to me, I better...better...bet...zzzzzzzzzz Wait just a minute! Who actually types 'zzzzz' if they're sleeping? That's just ridiculous, that's almost as ridiculous as finding the holy grail at the Castle AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa

I know I don't normally write this often (except for the past summer when I was bored as hell), but I just got back from one of the most amazing speeches that I've heard in a long time. This man, I don't know who (website: www.canikissyou.com), came to talk and his speech was titled Can I Kiss You. Now, the school set this up to be a funny show, about asking what you want intimately from your partner, but it turned out to be something completely different. If it were that funny crap, I might have laughed and left five minutes later, but I ended up staying for over an hour listening to this guy when I should have been studying for my calculus test, and then coming back to write about it. It is absolutely amazing the things that go on that I am naive about.

This guy made me think about the way I view women, and you all know I'm a faux-male-chauvinist-pig. He proposed a simple task to everyone that listened to him speak, and I would like to share that with you right now. He said, "Go

and tell someone this: 'No matter what happens, no matter when or how, if someone has molested you or abused you in some way, I am here for you.' It will open a door, so say it only if you mean it, but it must be done." Now, you may think that the statement is either obvious or out of the question for most of your personal and friend relationships, but the way that this guy talked, it made that question seem like the most important thing in the world, the thread that keeps our entire universe from ripping in two. He also commercialized the book featured on the left, called Voices of Courage. It includes the story of how his sister and 11 other people were raped in various ways and how they coped with it.

I don't know what more to say, mostly that it moved me very deeply and I'm sorry for any of you that missed this. It seemed to have struck a chord because of people I know that have had questionable consent (drunk evenings, blackouts, theta chi last semester for those who remember that night) and especially when the man outlined a few guys I know literally to a tee. It makes me frustrated to know that I know these people and...well, I don't know what to do, I'm just frustrated. I want this to be the final statement, and I mean this completely, seriously, and without hesitation: I am here, always.

Literally, I don't do much anymore except for study. I'm crammin' like a Catholic with sugar before lent. That's right, it is still lent. I originally tried to give up bad food (bad being at my discretion) but that didn't work because I'm a college student. So now I'm going to follow the example of Theresa and give my time to doing something instead of keeping myself from doing something else.

The research isn't going too well, the program I was using went corrupt and started stealing money from the IRS and no other program I've found so far actually works to my advantage. Ah well, I am just grateful to be able to do this, and have the opportunity to do research with Dr. Morrison.

Dominick has a friend over this weekend, Nikki, quite a cool chick. I haven't been in the room much because they were up till 2am, so I slept in Kate's roommate's bed. She's been here for the whole day so far, I dunno if she's going back to U of I tonight or not.

Hmmm, nothing much else going on except another long week of tests and projects. I have almost 1/4 of my semester GPA due this upcoming week, physics test, calculus test, Spanish presentation, and an essay due. Yea, It sucks major balls. But other than that, I'm staying for may term, may term break, and I may have my own vehicle, which would kick major ass. It might be a maroon ford ranger, similar to the vehicle that my girlfriend has, and no I'm not copying her, I'm just being a hick. Nothing else new, so I'm out.

It is a Thursday night and I'm not doing homework! Why you ask? Because I have finished it all, besides revising my essay, I'm pretty much done so that I can go to St. Louis tomorrow for a good time. Heh, sweetness. I will make sure to post my pictures as soon as I get back which should be Saturday afternoon unless I'm too tired to drive. I just wanted to add a quick post with this picture because I realized I could be working on my research. Have a click:

Yep, I am researching the sound of a piano (specifically an e-Flat where I measure the dB of the partials of the soundwave) in order to perfect a tuning method by a guy who tunes pianos by ear for a living. Now the question is, since he can tune a piano, can he tuna fish? Yes, yes, you know you laughed at that, even though it's been said a million times, you still smiled at least. no? no

t even a smirk? An inside giggle? Jeeze, tough crowd. Ah well, you losers don't know what good comedy is anyways. Well, if you saw me this past Saturday night, you would probably know what good comedy is. Yes, it was I, caped drunk man, flying through the halls of Σπ, although I didn't have a toga on since the last time I went to a 'toga party' at Σπ, no one else was wearing one. I was an idiot, and I was not about to be shown up again. Anyways, had a good time. My roommate gave me free alcohol, along with the lovely Kate, and even Σπ helped with the festivities. Then, while Kate was being a nerd studying on a Saturday night during a party, I went to the party with the roommate and Elizabeth, both of which got as drunk as I did. Although I can keep my liqour down ;-) Just kidding.

Other news, I won't be here this weekend (again). I am going with Kate down to The City of New...I mean St. Louis to see a museum, the sister, and a big Marti Gras (supposedly) celebration. I don't know, and never have known Marti Gras to be in St. Louis, but hell, the Chocolate City is still under construction, so maybe this will be where it is this year. Roughly 25 city blocks from what I see on a map are being closed off to traffic for an entire afternoon for wild drinking, parading, and all the such. I wish I had a good working camera, and I'd bring back pictures, I'll probably just have to depend on Kate's. Ah well, such is the life. Other than that, no news is good news. I have two more major things this week, and then I'm going to take the weekend off, something I really haven't done in awhile (not). Have a good night, buenos noches, todas mi putas! And remember, Fuck the French!

2/03/06 - "Do you expect me to talk?" "No Mr. bin Laden...I expect you to die!" (from James Bond movie)

So I've said it time and again, the media here sucks. Well, I have a story to put both my dislike for the media, my hate of the French, and the irony of religious extremism into one story! CNN has been reporting on a crazy cartoon that has been circulating through Europe that was printed by French and Danish newspapers. Well, multiple cartoons. I have below all 12 of the cartoons which are just poli